Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.
As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"
After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
She replies, "Yes."
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."
They were always getting into trouble
The boys' mother heard that a
clergyman in town
had been successful in disciplining children,
so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 8-year-old in first that morning,
with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice,
sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Where is God?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide eyed.
So the clergyman repeated the question
in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God!!?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more
and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room,
ran directly home and dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet,
he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time, dude.
God is missing - and they think WE did it.!"
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
After finding nothing in the fire wood the FBI leave the neighbors.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
No matter what situations life throws at you
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"
